Saturday, January 8, 2011

Only Human

I know, it has been awhile. I was having trouble laughing like this.

I have come to realize that I am only human.
Today was a humbling experience.

After putting on the final touches to Edgar last night (it was the official reopening today) I went straight to bed. No reading. No computer. No late night snack. I felt a bit out of it, my head hurt slightly.

And it hurt throughout the night. When the alarm rang this morning, I did not spring out of bed as I usually do... Simon asked if I was ok, and I said no. I went downstairs and attempted to shower. Then just formed a little ball. My head hurt so much, and I vomited. And I said I was ok. I kept saying I was ok but could not convince Simon. I think I said it 15 times, probably more, trying to get up but just getting back into a little ball.

I did not go to work. This is not Normal me. I was ashamed. I felt so bad for the people I was letting down.

But I am only human.
Since October I have pushed all boundaries and everything was a-ok.
I had ups and downs, I was tired - but I always think back to everything I have been able to accomplish in my life so far and this is feasible for Marysol. Maybe I pushed too far.

I have often had many jobs at the same time, did art shows as I worked full time jobs, took the time out to run and swim, even trained so hard to work with the circus, keep this blog going, kept my art blog going, tried to be a best friend to many, tried to be the best girlfriend ever to a few... I think I forgot myself on many occasions.

I need to change little things to make my life better. To have a life.
This blog will have a bit less postings.
I just secured another address to post wordless pictures of the Edgar food. I will still be able to reach out to you all, to tell you what I am up to, in pictures.

And I will make my work days shorter. I think 15-16 hours a day might not be reasonable for Mid-Thirties-Marysol. I have to remember that I am a cook, and a server, and a manager, and an accountant... Edgar hours will change and I should finally be able to hire staff.

And I will indulge in more Me Time. Tuesday mornings are mine, I started taking one-on-one classes that I had only dreamed possible.

And I will smile some more. And laugh. Apparently my laugh makes you smile.


Anonymous said...

Good for you! Funny how taking care of oneself is often the hardest lesson to learn, yet one of the most important.

One of Ottawa's Real Foodies said...

You always speak from the heart. And for that you continue to be inspiring. I think you have an idea of how many are rooting for you. And we get that today was about looking after you. So I had to make my own panini. I survived. It didn't kill me and DH said he liked it. Not as good as Edgar but he liked it. I know you will do what you think is right for you and for Edgar. And for all of that, it makes you very cool. Looking forward to Wordless Edgar and your great photo skills.

MaybeThisDoor said...

Congrats for having the courage to admit you needed to makes changes. Thats sometimes the hardest thing to do.

Moonlight said...

I was wondering how you pulled it all through...
Its a good thing you decided to take it easy a bit...
I wish you a more relaxed but successful continue.

foodiePrints said...

Your laugh does make people smile, us especially!

We've been noticing how worn you looked since Edgar's opening, but still persevering, still the lovely Marysol who gives Edgar its soul.

Take care of yourself. I'm glad you are hiring staff and adjusting your hours. We want to be able visit you at Edgar for some time to come!

Wordless blogs are fun, especially when the person behind it is as artistically inclined as you :)

Cocoa said...

Take care Marysol. Sometimes we need to hit a brick wall before we make the changes we need it our lives. I've been to Edgar once and loved it. The food, the atmosphere - really delicious!
I wonder if you shouldn't just be open for breakfast & lunch on weekdays say until 3pm and then perhaps hire someone to do the cash and take out for people on their way home from the office that want to stop by and pick up some pre-made soups, lasagna or whatever is leftover from the lunch menu that day. Just a thought

Deanna (Silly Goose Farm) said...

Wow, I can really relate to this right now. I've always worked so hard to be perfect for everyone else, I lost myself along the way. I feel like a coward cutting back on outside things to focus on myself (a coward feeling like I failed), but realized maybe I'm afraid to get in-touch with myself again, looking selfish. I'm glad you are figuring it out. Good for you. Seems like everything you're doing is pretty amazing!

adventuresindinner said...

Glad that you are taking some time for yourself. Wordless sounds terrific. Blogs are only fun if they aren't on the "I have to do this list".

Rachelle said...

You are so amazing no matter what you do people will love you. take the time you need, reduce your hours. People will come when you are ready for them and during the hours you decide - we are all under the marysol spell! And less hours are better than no hours!

Holly Bruns said...

We'll still all be here when you post however often that may be. It's good to follow the flow and be open to change. I hope you're feeling better soon.

donkey and the carrot said...

The most precious thing is to have the time and the courage to stop. Just stop, breath in and out, take a look around, take a look deep into you... and why not, start again. You are so sweet! Keep on laughing! You know how much i love your blog! If you find the time... (haha)check this post of my Donkey. There is something for you there if you are interested! Many kisses!

Pickles said...

One often forgets to treat themselves as wonderfully as one gives to others. You deserve it. Keep happy and healthy too :D

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License